The ancient Norwegians had a monthly anniversary ritual that has been well documented by historians and archaeologists. This tradition is still practiced by nearly all Norwegians and as a result they have some of the lowest divorce rates in the world. The Nordic tradition is followed strictly by only the male in the relationship. It is against Nordic tradition for the woman to extend any gift to the man because of the Ancient Viking curse that any man who receives a gift from a woman will be killed by an Irish child. I could cite sources here but as a respected anniversary blogger I do not need to. I will simply list the monthly anniversaries and the traditional gifts that are associated with each.
1 month: Flora/Plants.
A new marriage or relationship must be nurtured over time to yield its sweet fruits. A new plant will signify this new beginning. The Vikings would often give herb gardens to their brides to celebrate the first month and show their appreciation of the bride's cooking.
2 month: Massage.
After two months of a relationship, the body can grow weary. The ancient Norwegians would massage their women every single day during the 2nd month anniversary period. Cucumber water was utilized to hydrate the female buttocks and soothe the female's bottom after it had been sat on all day while the males toiled in the fields.
3 month: Jewelry.
This may be the most challenging of all the monthly gifts as the female will not extend any input on what jewelry she would prefer and wishes to test the male to see if he can choose the right piece. It is also a sign of weakness to purchase any type of jewelry that has a return policy.
4 month: Mylar.
After 4 months of a relationship, each partner may wish to be break free and float away from the relationships anchors. This feeling is represented and celebrated by balloons, typically mylar and numerous. Some modern Nords have developed perverted ways to honor this anniversary with mylar (don't ask).
5 month: Bedding.
At this point in the relationship, both partners are likely bored with each other and just want a good nights sleep instead of all of that funny stuff. A special bedding item will allow the male to show that he respects the female's desire to sleep instead of touching his penis.
6 month: Dance.
To celebrate the mid year mark of a relationship, the male will choreograph a spectacular solo dance for the female. This dance typically requires months of practice and needs to be witnessed by several friends and family. Modern Nords video tape this and post their dance on-the-line to celebrate their love.
7 month: Transportation.
Ancient Norwegians would purchase new oxen for their 7 month brides or maintain the livestock they already use for transportation. This has been reiterated in the 21st century as either a new vehicle purchase or time and money spent on maintaining the bride's current vehicle. At the bare minimum, the man must arrange to change the oil, rotate the tires, detail, and perform any scheduled maintenance on the female's vehicle.
8 month: Sparkling Beverages.
The Nords believed that a maturing relationship needed a good dose of sparkly by the 8th month. They would extend this sparkle to their female in the form of nice champagne or other fancy beverages that are fun. The male would also craft a special mixed drink of his own creation for the female with at least 4 different ingredients.
9 month: Baby.
If you are not able to time your child properly, the gift this month can be intended for the child of the woman. Make sure to also buy a gift for the woman, though, so she does not feel left out. Then also buy another gift for the baby so they don't feel left out and so on and so forth.
10 month: Gift for the Home.
At the 10 month mark, the two partners have grown together and created their own space to entwine their lives. The male will celebrate this entwining with a gift for their home to show his love and appreciation for his female.
11 month: Female Request.
This month the male will provide the female and anything her heart desires. This gift is not limited to one item or gesture. In fact, it is not limited at all and no requests can be denied for fear of Viking curse.
12 month: All of the Above.
Reaching the one year mark of a relationship is a very special occasion. In order to celebrate this year, the male will revisit each month's gift template to provide 11 new gifts for the female.
As you can see, the fine wine of a relationship needs monthly maintenance in order to age gracefully. If you follow this monthly anniversary guide the Nordic Gods will smile down upon you and you will be safe from the Viking glare of your female partner. Good luck!
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